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North
Richmond Street, being blind, was a quiet street except at the hour
when the Christian Brothers' School set the boys free. An uninhabited
house of two storeys stood at the blind end, detached from its
neighbours in a square ground. The other houses of the street,
conscious of decent lives within them, gazed at one another with brown
imperturbable faces.
The former tenant of our house, a priest, had died in the back
drawing-room. Air, musty from having been long enclosed, hung in all
the rooms, and the waste room behind the kitchen was littered with old
useless papers. Among these I found a few paper-covered books, the
pages of which were curled and damp: The Abbot, by Walter Scott, The
Devout Communicant, and The Memoirs of Vidocq. I liked the last best
because its leaves were yellow. The wild garden behind the house
contained a central apple-tree and a few straggling bushes, under one
of which I found the late tenant's rusty bicycle-pump. He had been a
very charitable priest; in his will he had left all his money to
institutions and the furniture of his house to his sister.
When the short
days of winter came,
dusk fell before we had well eaten our dinners. When we met in the
street the houses had grown sombre. The space of sky above us was the
colour of ever-changing violet and towards it the lamps of the street
lifted their feeble lanterns. The cold air stung us and we played till
our bodies glowed. Our shouts echoed in the silent street. The career
of our play brought us through the dark muddy lanes behind the houses,
where we ran the gauntlet of the rough tribes from the cottages, to the
back doors of the dark dripping gardens where odours arose from the
ashpits, to the dark odorous stables where a coachman smoothed and
combed the horse or shook music from the buckled harness. When we
returned to the street, light from the kitchen windows had filled the
areas. If my uncle was seen turning the corner, we hid in the shadow
until we had seen him safely housed. Or if Mangan's sister came out on
the doorstep to call her brother in to his tea, we watched her from our
shadow peer up and down the street. We waited to see whether she would
remain or go in and, if she remained, we left our shadow and walked up
to Mangan's steps resignedly. She was waiting for us, her figure
defined by the light from the half-opened door. Her brother always
teased her before he obeyed, and I stood by the railings looking at
her. Her dress swung as she moved her body, and the soft rope of her
hair tossed from side to side.
Every morning
I lay on the floor in
the front parlour watching her door. The blind was pulled down to
within an inch of the sash so that I could not be seen. When she came
out on the doorstep my heart leaped. I ran to the hall, seized my books
and followed her. I kept her brown figure always in my eye and, when we
came near the point at which our ways diverged, I quickened my pace and
passed her. This happened morning after morning. I had never spoken to
her, except for a few casual words, and yet her name was like a summons
to all my foolish blood.
Her image
accompanied me even in
places the most hostile to romance. On Saturday evenings when my aunt
went marketing I had to go to carry some of the parcels. We walked
through the flaring streets, jostled by drunken men and bargaining
women, amid the curses of labourers, the shrill litanies of shop-boys
who stood on guard by the barrels of pigs' cheeks, the nasal chanting
of street-singers, who sang a come-all-you about O'Donovan Rossa, or a
ballad about the troubles in our native land. These noises converged in
a single sensation of life for me: I imagined that I bore my chalice
safely through a throng of foes. Her name sprang to my lips at moments
in strange prayers and praises which I myself did not understand. My
eyes were often full of tears (I could not tell why) and at times a
flood from my heart seemed to pour itself out into my bosom. I thought
little of the future. I did not know whether I would ever speak to her
or not or, if I spoke to her, how I could tell her of my confused
adoration. But my body was like a harp and her words and gestures were
like fingers running upon the wires.
One evening I
went into the back
drawing-room in which the priest had died. It was a dark rainy evening
and there was no sound in the house. Through one of the broken panes I
heard the rain impinge upon the earth, the fine incessant needles of
water playing in the sodden beds. Some distant lamp or lighted window
gleamed below me. I was thankful that I could see so little. All my
senses seemed to desire to veil themselves and, feeling that I was
about to slip from them, I pressed the palms of my hands together until
they trembled, murmuring: 'O love! O love!' many times.
At last she
spoke to me. When she
addressed the first words to me I was so confused that I did not know
what to answer. She asked me was I going to Araby. I forgot whether I
answered yes or no. It would be a splendid bazaar; she said she would
love to go.
'And why can't
you?' I asked.
While she
spoke she turned a silver
bracelet round and round her wrist. She could not go, she said, because
there would be a retreat that week in her convent. Her brother and two
other boys were fighting for their caps, and I was alone at the
railings. She held one of the spikes, bowing her head towards me. The
light from the lamp opposite our door caught the white curve of her
neck, lit up her hair that rested there and, falling, lit up the hand
upon the railing. It fell over one side of her dress and caught the
white border of a petticoat, just visible as she stood at ease.
'It's well for you,' she said.
'If I go,' I
said, 'I will bring you something.'
What
innumerable follies laid waste
my waking and sleeping thoughts after that evening! I wished to
annihilate the tedious intervening days. I chafed against the work of
school. At night in my bedroom and by day in the classroom her image
came between me and the page I strove to read. The syllables of the
word Araby were called to me through the silence in which my soul
luxuriated and cast an Eastern enchantment over me. I asked for leave
to go to the bazaar on Saturday night. My aunt was surprised, and hoped
it was not some Freemason affair. I answered few questions in class. I
watched my master's face pass from amiability to sternness; he hoped I
was not beginning to idle. I could not call my wandering thoughts
together. I had hardly any patience with the serious work of life
which, now that it stood between me and my desire, seemed to me child's
play, ugly monotonous child's play.
On Saturday
morning I reminded my
uncle that I wished to go to the bazaar in the evening. He was fussing
at the hallstand, looking for the hat-brush, and answered me curtly:
'Yes, boy, I
know.'
As he was in
the hall I could not
go into the front parlour and lie at the window. I felt the house in
bad humour and walked slowly towards the school. The air was pitilessly
raw and already my heart misgave me.
When I came
home to dinner my uncle
had not yet been home. Still it was early. I sat staring at the clock
for some time and, when its ticking began to irritate me, I left the
room. I mounted the staircase and gained the upper part of the house.
The high, cold, empty, gloomy rooms liberated me and I went from room
to room singing. From the front window I saw my companions playing
below in the street. Their cries reached me weakened and indistinct
and, leaning my forehead against the cool glass, I looked over at the
dark house where she lived. I may have stood there for an hour, seeing
nothing but the brown-clad figure cast by my imagination, touched
discreetly by the lamplight at the curved neck, at the hand upon the
railings and at the border below the dress.
When I came
downstairs again I
found Mrs Mercer sitting at the fire. She was an old, garrulous woman,
a pawnbroker's widow, who collected used stamps for some pious purpose.
I had to endure the gossip of the tea-table. The meal was prolonged
beyond an hour and still my uncle did not come. Mrs Mercer stood up to
go: she was sorry she couldn't wait any longer, but it was after eight
o'clock and she did not like to be out late, as the night air was bad
for her. When she had gone I began to walk up and down the room,
clenching my fists. My aunt said:
'I'm afraid
you may put off your bazaar for this night of Our Lord.'
At nine
o'clock I heard my uncle's
latchkey in the hall door. I heard him talking to himself and heard the
hallstand rocking when it had received the weight of his overcoat. I
could interpret these signs. When he was midway through his dinner I
asked him to give me the money to go to the bazaar. He had forgotten.
'The people
are in bed and after their first sleep now,' he said.
I did not
smile. My aunt said to him energetically:
'Can't you
give him the money and let him go? You've kept him late enough as it
is.'
My uncle said
he was very sorry he
had forgotten. He said he believed in the old saying: 'All work and no
play makes Jack a dull boy.' He asked me where I was going and, when I
told him a second time, he asked me did I know The Arab's Farewell to
his Steed. When I left the kitchen he was about to recite the opening
lines of the piece to my aunt.
I held a
florin tightly in my hand
as I strode down Buckingham Street towards the station. The sight of
the streets thronged with buyers and glaring with gas recalled to me
the purpose of my journey. I took my seat in a third-class carriage of
a deserted train. After an intolerable delay the train moved out of the
station slowly. It crept onward among ruinous houses and over the
twinkling river. At Westland Row Station a crowd of people pressed to
the carriage doors; but the porters moved them back, saying that it was
a special train for the bazaar. I remained alone in the bare carriage.
In a few minutes the train drew up beside an improvised wooden
platform. I passed out on to the road and saw by the lighted dial of a
clock that it was ten minutes to ten. In front of me was a large
building which displayed the magical name.
I could not
find any sixpenny
entrance and, fearing that the bazaar would be closed, I passed in
quickly through a turnstile, handing a shilling to a weary-looking man.
I found myself in a big hall girded at half its height by a gallery.
Nearly all the stalls were closed and the greater part of the hall was
in darkness. I recognized a silence like that which pervades a church
after a service. I walked into the centre of the bazaar timidly. A few
people were gathered about the stalls which were still open. Before a
curtain, over which the words Café Chantant were written in
coloured
lamps, two men were counting money on a salver. I listened to the fall
of the coins.
Remembering
with difficulty why I
had come, I went over to one of the stalls and examined porcelain vases
and flowered tea-sets. At the door of the stall a young lady was
talking and laughing with two young gentlemen. I remarked their English
accents and listened vaguely to their conversation.
'O, I never
said such a thing!'
'O, but you
did!'
'O, but I
didn't!'
'Didn't she
say that?'
'Yes. I heard
her.'
'O, there's
a... fib!'
Observing me,
the young lady came
over and asked me did I wish to buy anything. The tone of her voice was
not encouraging; she seemed to have spoken to me out of a sense of
duty. I looked humbly at the great jars that stood like eastern guards
at either side of the dark entrance to the stall and murmured:
'No, thank
you.'
The young lady
changed the position
of one of the vases and went back to the two young men. They began to
talk of the same subject. Once or twice the young lady glanced at me
over her shoulder.
I lingered
before her stall, though
I knew my stay was useless, to make my interest in her wares seem the
more real. Then I turned away slowly and walked down the middle of the
bazaar. I allowed the two pennies to fall against the sixpence in my
pocket. I heard a voice call from one end of the gallery that the light
was out. The upper part of the hall was now completely dark.
Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a creature driven and
derided by vanity; and my eyes burned with anguish and anger. |